Dear South African women, what is it like dating a South African black man since the advent of democracy?
While I am waiting for the response to come my way, let me pay a big respect to the foreign men for being true to our women.
Culture dictates that I do not write about dating and love, however, I will defy it and write for the interest of many of us.
If you are a public transport user, you would know that people enjoy conversing during the journey, and one topic that comes up is about South African men and dating.
Let me clarify something here, I am excluding my coloured and white brothers here.
For some reason, they do not feature as much, if at all, when women are discussing their love life in public.
That is a clear indication that we are a country that is still separated by colour, culture and customs.
In extreme cases, I have heard stories that South African black men are abusive, negligent, too backward, stingy with money, bad company, bad in bed, reluctant to marry, when they have impregnated a girl, they always say sawubona emntanwaneni and many other unpalatable statements, and they lack romance.
When it comes to our foreign brothers, they get all the compliments.
They are credited for paying for our women’s necessities, whether it is for them to have their hair done, their accounts or transport for the women’s children.
They purely love and know how to satisfy a women’s needs, from the day to the night.
There is also an ethnicity issue in all this.
Some would claim baSotho are caring, AmaZulu stubborn, AmaXhosa stingy and backward, BaTswana, VhaVenda and BaTsonga good in bed but generally they are all bad.
Can the women come forward and clarify who they refer to when they speak about South African men.
Every time I hear such talk, I smile because my belief is that democracy has helped bring a change to many people’s love life.
Imagine when we were mostly AmaXhosa eKapa, who were credited for our failures. Surely women were talking bad about coloured folks. Surely they saw nothing wrong with AmaXhosa until a few Sothos and AmaZulu came to the Cape. But things changed for good when all the North African guys came down here.
I write this not trying to divide my brothers and of course not causing hatred between South Africans.
However, I need to verify the talk on trains, taxis, buses and in malls. People talk at these places and they talk a lot. I might be wrong but I think democracy helped us a lot to know each other as a continent. Had we been stuck in the past we would not have had these topics.
We would be stuck on domestic violence and patriarchy. But it must be said that even if the old addage says a new broom always sweeps clean, it is also true that the old one knows every corner. Surely now there are trust issues between South Africans, women and men, since the new dawn of democracy.
To black men of South Africa, let me put it to you that women are tired of bags of salt. Women are tired of loafers and are gatvol of your egos and your unproductivity in bed. You need to improve your ways of dating. From what I hear on an everyday basis, we are bad. We are selfish. We do not give wallets or bank cards with their pin numbers. We do not call in the morning to find out how our women are doing. We hardly send an SMS to ask what our loved one ate for lunch. South African men lack respect. We do not eat out.
I always hear women giving foreign men credit for their romantic ways. These guys look after their lovers well.
Women, how true is this, do South African men run away after getting hanky panky? Now that it is the festive season, gents let’s up our standards.
Women say they cannot eat love only.
But I have heard some men accusing women of running more after money than love. What’s your take?